Of all of the jobs that I would want to do least, “telemarketer” tops the list.
It’s not that it’s beneath me, because almost any job has value.
But the thought of spending a work day on the phone trying to convince total strangers of the need to spend money that they probably don’t have to buy something I’m peddling that they probably don’t need makes my skin crawl.
However, if you are a telemarketer who wants to make a cold call to sell me something, I have a few tips for you.
Don’t start off a call with “hello Senior!” I’ll hang up prior to the start of the next sentence.
Don’t follow the pause that comes when your system recognizes that a human and not an answering machine is on the other end of the line by apologizing for some supposed problem with your headset. I kept one such caller on the line by telling her how to fix the problem with her headset so long that she actually hung up the phone on me.
Don’t tell me that I’ve been chosen as the only recipient in my area of some special offer. I’m not that lucky and I know it.
Don’t threaten me with some lawsuit for some nonexistent bill. I don’t scare easily, and a lawsuit threat is farther down the list of things that frighten me than a plague of locusts.
If you can’t pronounce my last name correctly (most butcher Ulm pretty badly) don’t bother to try.
If I answer the phone and you ask “is the man of the house available?”, you’ve got 2 strikes against you.
And unless I really did win the Publishers Clearing House sweepstakes, move on to someone else.
I realize you’ve got a tough job, but because I feel sorry for you, it won’t make me any more likely to support your paycheck.
That’s the way I see it!